Autobiography in Five Short Chapters May 20, 2007

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

This poem is taken from Portia Nelson’s “There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk“ – a wonderful collection of insights into love and life. The hole in the sidewalk provides a metaphor of life. Life is like a stroll down a somewhat hazardous sidewalk. The story identifies the key feature required to safely navigate life’s sidewalk.

“I don’t know what I want sometimes, but I know that I want to know what I want.”                                                                                                               – Portia Nelson -

Drug Testing

Okay, in this day and age, drug testing is everywhere. Pre-employment, high-school, random, etc. How do you feel about this?

What about this: You decide to smoke some weed over the weekend, in the privacy of your own home. You stay at home, have a good time and maybe watch a late-night Friday movie. THEN… on Monday morning, you get hit with a surprise U.A. Which, no doubt, comes up positive for weed, and you fail the test. Then all hell breaks loose and you have to face the consequences. Is this fair? Isn’t what you do to your own body and what you put into it your own business, and nobody else’s?

Do you think this same logic should apply across the board? Let’s say for Meth users, or Heroin addicts?

And how about this: How long after getting high is it okay to go  to your job, and expect to be able to do your job proficiently and with 100% ability?

Let’s not just limit this agreement to drugs for a minute. Let’s take a look at the weekend drinker, or even the ‘alcoholic’. Let’s say he gets shitfaced on Sunday night, putting away a couple six-packs or some mixed drinks. Good chance that when he wakes up in the morning, if he’s not faced with a hangover, it’s probably safe to say he’s not firing on all cylinders and maybe a little slow or groggy. He might be in worse off shape then the pot smoker; however, if he’s given a drug test when he gets to work, he’s going to pass it. Is that fair?

Let’s say you’ve got a job that requires a high degree of attention and mentality. Say, maybe an Air Traffic Flight Controller, or the surgeon that’s at the E.R. who is going to be assigned to a loved one of yours for a delicate operation. Are you comfortable with the fact that he’s been high as a kite during the weekend, polluting his body with drugs? Hey, remember, it’s ‘his own body, and he’s not hurting anybody else”.

So, how long after using is it okay to go back to your job and resume your duties? If you’re the guy or girl who bags my food at the supermarket, or the person making my burger at Jack-In-The-Box, I’m really not to  concerned with your ability to do your job. However, if you’re the guy who I’m putting my life in his hands while he performs brain surgery on after being in a car accident, I gotta confess; I’m more than a little worried.

What are your thoughts on this?

One last thing to consider; let’s say you’re a pot smoker and maybe you haven’t used in a week or two. Then comes the call offering you the ideal job that you hadn’t planned on being called about. The one you’ve dreamed of getting, and probably won’t have offered to you again if you pass on it now. Now, considering that THC can stay in your system for 30 days and sometime longer, and one of the terms of being hired is that you pass a pre-employment drug test.  What are you going to do?

These are just a couple of things to consider when you take the stance that ‘what you put into your body isn’t anybody else’s business, and you’re not hurting anybody else”. The reality of it is, maybe you could be hurting somebody else, maybe not, but one thing’s for sure, you could be hurting yourself.

Hey! You stink!

I have a friend who’s been a long time job recruiter. Working at a company that placed numerous contract employees per week, one day her boss came in and asked everyone in the office: “Hey! Who placed ‘so-and-so’ at that job site?” She meekly raised her hand and said: “I did.”

“Well, call him up”, her boss said, “and tell him he stinks. His coworkers have been complaining about his body odor”.

Hopefully, you’ve never gotten a call like that, or had a co-worker mention their olfactory senses have been offended by you. But that might only mean you’ve been lucky enough to work with tolerant and polite co-workers. It can be a problem, especially in a closed environment, like an office pool, or cubical settings.

Here’s a couple of things to consider: Just because YOU don’t notice it, or realize it, you still could smell. If you’ve got any doubt, ask someone you’re close to and won’t be offended by if they tell you so. Do NOT try to cover the smell of body odor with perfume or cologne. The only thing worse than sitting close to somebody that smells like B.O. is sitting next to somebody with massive amounts of perfume on that’s trying to cover up that smell. One word here: Shower!

Another thing: more and more companies and workplaces are taking a zero-tolerance regarding colognes, perfumes and sprays. And for good reasons. One: some people are allergic to such things, and second, some people just don’t know the word, ‘moderation’.

One last thing: Cigarette smoke and smell. As a smoker myself, I try to respect those who I work with. I know how offensive it can be. I keep a small spray container of ‘Axe’ personal body spray either in my briefcase or in a desk drawer. When I go out to smoke, I take this with me and use it (moderately, of course) before returning to my desk. I don’t know the ‘female equivalent’ of this product, but I’m sure it exists. If your place of employment has a ‘no-scent’ policy, you can always consider ‘FeBreze’ or an equivalent product. These seem to work quite well, and your co-workers will be eternally grateful. Even if they don’t say anything to you.    

Food For Thought: Is somebody on your mind today?

Okay, Valentine's Day is past and over with, and not too long ago I posted a blog on appreciation and recognizing those in our lives who we might otherwise take for granted. So, with that in mind, let's not forget about the ones we have in our lives who mean something to us, who have touched our hearts, or ones we have memories and a history with. The world being the way it is nowadays, it's easy to do. Remember that. And as just a little reminder, I've borrowed the poem of Charles Hanson Towne and included it in today's blog. Hope you enjoy it and it prompts you not to make the same mistake.

 

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.

"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him",
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

The Meeting (my second short story)

Ronald. J. Morse                                                                                                    about 1000 words

Portland, Oregon 97233

971-258-5453

Ron.morse@gmail.com

The Meeting

by

Ronald Morse

      The meeting is set up for three thirty this afternoon.  It’s a little after nine a.m. now.  If I were to tell you I was a little bit nervous, I’d be lying.  I’m extremely nervous.  I don’t think I slept for more than forty-five minutes at a time last night.  You see, this meeting was agreed upon late last week, and the closer it gets to happening, the more havoc it plays on my head.  Oh, this isn’t our first meeting; there’s been plenty before.  And I’m quite certain it won’t be our last.  At least, I hope to God it isn’t. But as the hour grows closer, I become more and more of a wreck.  You want to know why?  Honestly?  This kid scares me.  Okay, let me clarify that somewhat. I’m not scared that he’s gonna beat me up or anything. No, the damage this guy can do is far worse than that. And when I say, ‘kid’, well, he is, but then again, at my age, a lot of people are.

      Let me give you a little background, and then I’ll get you up to date regarding today’s meeting. I’ve known this guy for almost nine years now. Our meetings haven’t always been under these conditions, and the circumstances in which we’ve met in the past are too numerous to go into here. But hell, I’ve got this much time into it, there’s no way to walk away now.  He wouldn’t allow it.  So, regardless of whatever other obligations I have in my life, he demands I make time for him and his problems. And I do. Like I said, I really have no choice. I could go on and on about our past (his and mine), but it makes little difference in regards to the here and now.  So, rather than bore you with old stories, I guess I better fill you in on today’s events.  Like I mentioned earlier, we’ve met under a number of different conditions, both geographic as well as emotional. Today we’re meeting in an old Victorian style home. The way its set up is there is a separate entrance for each of us.  That way there can be no problems ahead of time.  Not that there ever has been, nor do I ever expect there to be; that’s just the way it’s done nowadays.  I guess he’s a pretty busy guy, I don’t really know. I’m not privy to what goes on in his life outside of our meetings. I do know this: I’m allowed one hour of his time for today’s meet.  Exactly one hour.  He’ll arrive at exactly three-thirty and sixty minutes later, he’ll leave. Doesn’t matter what we might be in the middle of.  When the times up, it’s up.  We’ve got rules we follow as well.  No cursing. That’s a big one and it’s not condoned.  We’ve got a ‘facilitator’ that sits in with us, just to keep things ‘on track’. The facilitator’s name is Mel. Mel rarely says anything; really no need to.  But Mel’s there, nonetheless, quietly watching, sometimes making notes or writing something down.  I’ve yet to see what is ever written, and god knows where it goes or what gets done with it.  Sometimes after the meet, Mel and I sit and ‘recap’ the previous hour.  Sometimes Mel gives input about something that was said, maybe a suggestion on how I could have handled it better. To be honest, I think having Mel there is a complete waste of time and our meeting would go much smoother and we’d get further if it were just me and ‘the kid’. But it is what it is, and I can’t change it. Another thing: any advice Mel gives me usually goes in one ear and out the other.  I won’t say I dislike Mel, but over the course of the last year, I certainly haven’t grown any fonder, either. During our last meeting, the kid was angry. I could tell. It’s not something we speak about; that’s another of the unspoken rules. Another big one is this: No excuses. He doesn’t want to hear them. The only thing he wants to see is results. Either I’m making progress, or I’m not. No promises, no excuses.  Just results. And progress. If no results or progress are being made, nothing is said, but I’m unable to look him in the eye, and he knows as well as I do.  And it’s unacceptable for both of us. We each have our reasons, and we each have a stake in this.  It’s getting closer to three-thirty now, in fact, just moments away, and I can feel the butterfly’s in my stomach.  This is the hardest time to deal with. I’m already in the room in which we will meet, and I hear him enter the adjoining room.  I remind myself: An hour. Just get through the next sixty minutes in one piece, and then I’ll be free to walk out the door and try to produce enough new results to bring to the table to our next meeting that will make him proud and happy he’s stuck with me over the years.  Just an hour, I tell myself, to put on my best face, be brave, show him no fear, and know that when he leaves, he’s walking out that door with a good feeling about me inside.  His footsteps can be felt as he walks across the hardwood floor, towards the door that connects the two rooms. I hear the door squeak as it opens and I briefly close my eyes, opening them in time to see him rush through, arms open wide, as my eight year old son smiles and greets me warmly, saying: “Dad! I missed you!”

Appreciation

(Dedicated to those in my life whom I appreciate - you know who you are!)

Is there someone you know, perhaps work with, (or perhaps not) that goes out of their way to help you out? Perhaps you ride to work with them, or maybe they’re the one you call when you need a ride now and then. Maybe they run an errand for you on occasion when you can’t or don’t have the time. Or it’s them that you call when you’re in a pinch and need a sitter on short notice. Maybe they bring in food that they share with you. It could be any of the above, or a number of things I not only didn’t mention, but probably wouldn’t think of if I had all day. Whatever it is that they do for you that’s above and beyond the basics, it’s most likely something they don’t ‘have’ to do. Maybe it’s even something quite minor, but to you it makes all the difference in the world, and makes your life a lot easier or simpler.  Whatever it is, do you kinda take it for granted or do they know how much you really appreciate it?

                Why don’t you take a moment today and make sure they know how much it means to you? You could do it with a simple gift or card, something more elaborate if you’re able, or if you aren’t able to do that, at least bring it to their attention by stopping and talking to them. Make a special trip to their desk, office or work area when you don’t need anything from them or wanting them to do something for you. Let them know they aren't being taken advantage of and that you really do appreciate what they've done for you with a simple:"I really do appreciate everything you do for me, I wish there was more I could do to show it". It might make all the difference in the world to that person.

Empowerment

em·pow·er To give power or authority to, to enable or permit.

When I was in prison, one of the worst things somebody could do is call you a ‘punk’. That was pretty much immediate grounds for a fight. The same thing happened when somebody said something about your mother. I saw it happen over and over. I never bought into that kind of thinking. Was I a coward? No, actually it was harder and took more courage NOT to buy into it. After a couple of times of that happening, people kinda looked at me a little differently. Maybe not with ‘awe’, but at least with some respect, and usually at a distance. You see, by not buying into that whole belief, I took away the power that the other person was trying to gain. Once or twice, I even said: “You know what I think about your opinion?” And before they could answer, I’d turn and walk away. I wasn’t going to a give them the power over me, to dictate how I was going to act, based on how they felt, or what they said. The reason I bring this is, is it amounts to this: Peer pressure. I was faced with it there, just like you’re faced with it daily. In school as well as out of school. What other people think of you, matters to you. To say otherwise would be a lie. And that’s okay. We form friendships and groups of friends based on what we think of others and how they look at us.  It becomes a problem however, when you let what they think of you change who you are, or it impact the decision making you might have regarding important things. Do you stand up for the things you believe in, or are you likely to be swayed because to make a stand would be to stand out? Let me tell you something: sometime standing out isn’t that bad. Take for example, a group of a dozen kids who all look alike, dress similar and act the same way. They all go apply for a job. Let’s say just one of them has some individuality to be different. And I’m not saying you have to be a nerd, or a geek, just enough backbone to say: ‘I don’t have to be a clone’. Now, who do you think is going to stand out and be remembered when it comes time to choose an employee? Are you a follower, or a leader? Again, I’m not saying you have to be so different that you stand out so much that people stare and point at you when you walk down the street. But if you believe in something, don’t be afraid to stand up for it. You’re an individual; there’s no reason you shouldn’t let it show through. You don’t have to be 100% different than those around you, but you don’t have to be an identical twin with everybody you hang with either. Don’t let others make decisions for you. Don’t empower them, for when you do, you’re giving up a part of yourself. You’re giving in and letting somebody else make choices for you, and not always the best choices, either. Feel differently about something? Talk with your friends about it. There’s a possibility they may share your feelings as well, and were just waiting for someone else speak up and validate how they felt. Think about it.