Interoffice Romances – Good? Bad? Or Ugly?
With
Valentine’s Day here, now might be a good time to take a look at love in the
workplace. Let me be clear on one thing before going any further – I’m NOT
going to try to discourage it from happening, no matter how bad of an idea I
may or may not think it is. When there’s a spark between two people, I don’t
think it matters where it occurred, and most likely you’re not going to be
talked out of it.
Given
the amount of time we spend at work; 40-50 hours per week on average, it stands
to reason that we’re going to develop relationships with our co-workers. And
it’s a good thing we do; can you imagine what work would be like if nobody got
to know each other? I’d be like working with a new set of strangers every day.
Having good relationships with your co-workers makes work more pleasant and
increases productivity. There’s a good chance that some of these work
relationships will develop further, into something more personal and romantic
and intimate. However you wish to
describe it, or label it, they can be fun, they can be exciting and they can be
a career ending mistake. Having somebody in your office or company that you’re
involved with can be a great motivational factor. Just like dating outside
the workplace, you often want to impress the other person, and what better
way to do so at work then “showing off” your job skills and talents. You’re
likely to be attempting to stand out by increasing your productivity
or accuracy, or your work ethics,
even the way you dress is likely to change somewhat. Knowing you’re going to
come into some kind of contact with that person is likely to make you a little
more self-conscious about all these things. You certainly don’t want them
seeing you as sloppy, lazy or non-motivated. So, in those regards, I think
dating a coworker can be a very positive event.
Some
companies have strict policies against dating coworkers and even more
specifically, relationships between bosses and those under him (or her). And
arguably so – it could easily be imagined how favoritism could play into that,
causing friction and hostility between others in the department or group. Are
these rules and policies and restrictions going to stop it from happening?
Probably not. It might, however, make you a little more cautious and secretive,
which in its own way might make that relationship even more exciting. Keep in
mind however, chances are on or both of you have at least one close friend or
co-worker who you share secrets and gossip with, and even though they give
their word it won’t go any further, you might not be the only co-worker they
exchange bits of ‘office news’ with. And
let’s say you are able to keep from telling anybody about the two of you,
keeping it on the sly. Maybe you’re patting yourselves on the back on how
discreet the two of you are and how you’re able to maintain the professional mannerism
in the work place. I have news for you: if you’re in a relationship with
someone and it’s developed into
something you feel you need to keep on the down low, it’s nearly
impossible to suppress all those feelings , actions, the little ‘looks’ you
give each other, or grin they give you, but nobody else. If you’re in a
relationship, all these things exist, to some degree, and you might think the
two of you are the only ones who catch them, but you’re probably wrong.
There
are fine lines between Friendliness, Friendship, Flirting and Sexual
Harassment. And to make it more confusing, those lines vary from person to
person. What you may consider ‘just being friendly’, your co-worker, who has
different beliefs, views and personal boundaries, may very well perceive your
actions as being flirtatious. And vise-versa of course. Taking it a step
further, you might be reading someone’s signs as being flirtatious, when their
just being friendly in the way that is natural to them, and your responses to
this perceived flirtation may not seem ‘out of line to you’, heck, you’re just
flirting back, right? Wrong! Not if they weren’t flirting with you to begin
with. Now you’re possibly crossing that line into sexual harassment and
offending them. No reason to delve any further into explaining this: We’re all
big boys and girls here. If you’re in the ‘pre-dating’ stage and you think your
co-worker has the ‘hots; for you and you want to take it further, us caution.
Be sure you aren’t reading their actions incorrectly When in doubt, err on the
side of caution. And finally, I guess something should be mentioned regarding
relationships gone badly. I think we all know of, or have been part of an ugly
breakup. It’s part of life, it happens and although we like to think that
special relationship we’re in is going to last forever, or at least when it
does end, it’ll be amicable. And hopefully that’s the way it does end if things
don’t work out. But when it’s an ugly breakup and your partner is a co-worker,
it can be awkward at best, and downright a living hell at worst. Remember,
you’re still going to be forced to see them to some degree on possibly a daily
basis, and maybe have to work directly with or for them still. You may be able
to pick and choose where you go and what you do after work, in order avoid
running into that person, but unless
you’re willing to change your place of
employment, you don’t have much option
here except to put on a good face, grin and bear it and hopefully get
through it without too much embarrassment or suffering. One
last, final thought: Sometimes there can
seem to be a fine line between love and stalking, but under no circumstance is
stalking an acceptable behavior.
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